Home

Advertisement

Customize
This is the top box!
A horse walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink.... The bartender says, "why the long face?"

That's a *knee-slapper!*
For those less in tune with the world:
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31
May. 31st, 2009 @ 01:08 pm Bored of Titles
I think I made a mistake beginning this with you... Not the situation but the proximity, is it too much for you? It is and it isn't for me, but I wish I could get a sign from you on your opinion.

June tomorrow... What will I do then kids? I'll have to think about Austin, woah... Sorry Miami, I'll leave my heart here to pick up in 5-8 years, no jokes.

Somuch to say, somuch being thought, so little to type...
Stuff you won't read:
only
May. 7th, 2009 @ 02:58 am Wow
I forgot what it's like to be this angry...
Stuff you won't read:
only
Feb. 21st, 2009 @ 11:07 pm Dear Diary- in no particular order
- Things were supposed to get easier after this, not harder.
- I never saw that coming, at least not at this point in time, and I am sorry.
- I can blame myself for anything.
- I don't think I will ever understand how we relate, nor do I want to.
- I am beginning to dislike who I am again.
- I have too much to do and not enough time to do it.
- The way you spoke to me made me feel worse for not having deserved the sentiment.
- I got out of high school, please don't bring me back there.
- I don't understand the good that people see in me, especially given how inoften it's noticed.
- No one has ever pushed me to do anything, but you.
- I don't think I can do this, I really don't.
- What I do is not everyone's business, stop declaring it as such.
- I am not who everyone expects me to be.
- We haven't really talked in ages, but I am still saddened by the news.
- The way news travels on facebook scares me.
- I want to run away from everyone, again, and be alone.
- I think I'm allergic to my cat.
- I don't have anyone I can turn to.
- I love my family.
- I will be there, no matter what, because you deserve it.
- People change.
- I am tired of people saying they miss the 'old me.' I am the same as I was, so you are telling me you don't like who I am... Then stay away from me, eh?
- I want this time period to end. today...




Sometimes I wonder *** *** **** * **** *** **** ***** ** ** *****, ** **** * ***** ** * ****** **** ***** ****** ***** ** * ***** ******.... But who knows?
Stuff you won't read:
only
Dec. 28th, 2008 @ 09:44 am I'm gonna cry, haha, sooooo much.
Emotional State:: melancholy
In the surrounding area:: Bruce Springsteen- Secret Garden
I did my own Trevi Fountain moment in Spain today.
Yes, I am so awesome that I tossed a coin (.10 euro, Spanish) into the lake of Plaza de Espana today. I figured if I couldn't convince myself alone that I'd get back here, doing some silly ritual would obviously remedy the concern. So I turned my back to Quixote and Sancho and tossed it in. And I managed not to cry, ten points there.

I went back to Plaza de Espana, because it's my favorite place here in Madrid (no, not the prettiest, nor the most famous, nor the largest, nor anything amazingly special, just my favorite,) and there's a huge Artesania Madrid fair going on, with booths all around the statue and the lake. The giant Christmas tree is still up, and the fountain is as pretty as ever.

So instead of sitting and thinking, I walked around looking at pieces of art-- and was tempted to buy more stuff for people-- and stopped to stare at the statue in the middle (they conveniently left openings to get to it) while people climbed all over it and snapped photos. I don't have a picture of me there... even more reason to come back.

I was going to go to the park, Retiro is amazingly beautiful, but I didn't. I wanted to come back here, and spend some time doing nothing with Flora, my awesome Spanish grandma ^.^. I know somewhere deep down I'm excited to go home, but right now all I am is sad, because I don't want to leave.

And I have so much I could write, and there's so much I will miss, but I just don't feel like it as much as I thought I would when I started this. I'm leaving in... 19.5 hours... and I'd rather just get it over with so I don't have to think about it anymore.

I'm gonna miss this place, boy am I.
Stuff you won't read:
only
Dec. 19th, 2008 @ 07:00 pm Call it kids, call it... One of my favorites :)
Emotional State:: sick
In the surrounding area:: You tell me...
I'm drunk
Right now I'm so in love with you
And I don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do
Lay my hands on heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars
While the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car
Nothing quite like the feel of something new

Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up in you
Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up in you
Maybe I'm all messed up

This is the only time I really feel alive
I swear, I just found everything I need
The sweat in your eyes, the blood in your veins are listening to me
Well I want to wrap it up and swim in it until I drown
My moral standing is lying down
Nothing quite like the feel of something new

Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up in you
Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up in you
Maybe I'm all messed up

This is the only time I really feel alive
This is the only time I really feel alive

Maybe I'm all messed up in you

This is the only time I really feel alive
This is the only time I really feel alive
This is the only time I really feel alive
This is the only time I really feel alive
Stuff you won't read:
only
Nov. 23rd, 2008 @ 05:31 am I didn't go home for the funeral...
Emotional State:: sad
In the surrounding area:: whocares?
... And I don't know if I feel guilty, or rather, if I will be stuck on it like I usually am about things I find important.

I know that right now I can't motivate myself to do the things I'm supposed to.
That I should be worried about the other people who loved her, but I can't because I just want to run away from the fact that when I get home she won't be there.

And I don't want to talk about it, because I don't have anything useful to say. But I'm so hung up that I don't have anything to say about anything else, either. And I don't make any sense because half my mind is focused on something else while I'm speaking.

And they told me I could write something for them to read at the funeral, but I never knew what to write. I was too worried that the things that I found important or worthwhile weren't right for that time and that audience, or if I found something that worked that I couldn't say it in few words, and that the poor man wouldn't want to read a mini-essay on top of whatever he'd prepared. So I never wrote anything, and yesterday is already gone.

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, everyone knows what an absolute waste of space I am after someone I love dies, or the fact that I can't even let what I ate for lunch yesterday go quickly, how the hell am I going to get over this?

And I'm doing so well at running away from this, that sometimes I wonder if I care that much at all, until I'm alone and I cry just thinking about it... And I'm losing interest in going outside, I really am, I don't want to travel now, I just want to sit inside and go to class and come home to sit inside some more, and I know that's terrible but it's what I want, and I'm trying not to but it's so easy to do.

So I'll go write this essay, because it's due tomorrow for real and I can't get out of it anymore, and I'll try to convince myself to run away for just another couple months, and I'll face this when I get home.

And I thought I needed an extended vacation before...
Stuff you won't read:
only
Nov. 18th, 2008 @ 10:11 am If I were to regret coming to Spain, it would be right now...
Emotional State:: inconsolable
In the surrounding area:: Jeff Buckley- Hallelujah
I heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

hallelujah...

well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

hallelujah...

baby i've been here before
i've seen this room and i've walked this floor
i used to live alone before i knew you
i've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...

well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when i moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

well, maybe there's a god above
but all i've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...
Stuff you won't read:
only
Oct. 26th, 2008 @ 05:22 pm Bored of Titles
I don't know who I am or where I am and I feel like in another place or time you could have saved me from it but now you just make it worse and I don't know what to do with myself.
I can't stay on vacation permanently, but lordy if I could I think I would be hard-pressed to say no.


I CAN'T SCREAM WHERE I AM BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE THAT WOULD MAKE THIS EASIER TO BEAR.


No room to complain and I don't want to, not about where I am right now, not one bit.

Nobody understands this, and I think the only ones willing to try either can't, or I just don't have the guts to explain it properly...






I just don't know what to do...
Stuff you won't read:
only
Sep. 18th, 2008 @ 11:46 am DO it!
1 question...
1 chance...
1 honest answer...

That's all you get. Ask me one question. Any one question, anything, no matter how crazy it is. An honest answer. No catch.
Stuff you won't read:
only
Sep. 5th, 2008 @ 11:07 am Bored of Titles
Spain.
Amazing.
Madrid.
Amazing.
Can't say anything else but holy geez, Spain is ridiculous, and I'm really, really happy to be here.

Wow
Stuff you won't read:
only
Aug. 11th, 2008 @ 07:49 pm I am going to Spain in a little bit...
And I'm more excited than you can possibly imagine...

But right now,
I'm really effing tired of people taking advantage of me.
I'm tired of people not being OK with stuff and within the same minute getting irritated with me for not being OK with it, either.
I'm tired of always just going along with people so they dont have a rough time.
I'm tired of everybody always asking me for crap without even saying freakin please.
I'm tired of it, yes.

But in a bit, I'll be in Spain, and all will be well.
Stuff you won't read:
only
Jul. 24th, 2008 @ 12:24 am Bored of Titles
The Dark Knight...


.... Amazing, absolutely freakin amazing.
Stuff you won't read:
only
Jul. 7th, 2008 @ 11:05 pm Here is the inside of my head...
Emotional State:: confused
In the surrounding area:: Clannad- Theme from Harry's Game
Drag me kicking and screaming because that's the only way I foresee this happening.

When did it get crazy again?

I could follow your example and drink myself into oblivion.
Did you see that patient in the hospital? I certainly did.
She bled out of EVERY orifice in her body, she was yellow, her liver failed, and it was all because of alcohol... She was 47....

Such a fate my friend, such a fate.

Do I really know what I want? And if it's this, is it truly because I'm selling myself short or because it would make me happy.

Who am I, anymore?
I've been acting so out of character, when alone, and yet I feel more content with myself than ever before.

Puzzle pieces, do the borders first... then the jumble in the middle isn't so bad, right?
Stuff you won't read:
only
Jun. 27th, 2008 @ 09:51 pm Bored of Titles
Emotional State:: geeky
In the surrounding area:: Don Henley- Boys of Summer
In two months on this day, I will be spending my first night in Spain.
In twelve hours I will be getting a SUCCESSFUL titration with barium hydroxide.
In one year and two months, I will be starting medical school (unless I lose a bet to a LOT of people, hahaha)...
In twenty-four hours, Alex will still be telling me some fantastic stories about China.
In two days my parents will come see me at my house.
In two hours (ish) my room will be clean.

I've had some issues in the past week, but everything is going well, and I'm pleased (quite) with how my summer is being spent.
I tipped my hair purple, but it faded and now it just looks like I have dark brown tips on my blonde-ish head, haha, oh well, it lasted a bit.


I'm going to Spain, holy poop....
I love Coldplay's new single :)


Oh, and i LOVE chemistry!
Stuff you won't read:
only
Jun. 17th, 2008 @ 11:45 pm Forgive me father, for I have sinned...
Wow, never expected to add that to my resume.
Do I feel guilty because of what I did or because I'm supposed to?
And what the heck do I do now??
Stuff you won't read:
only
May. 28th, 2008 @ 10:29 pm Bored of Titles
All I have to say is,

what gives?
Is it something I'm (not) doing?
Stuff you won't read:
only
May. 13th, 2008 @ 12:27 am Gotta follow through...
Leave me a comment and:

1. I'll tell you why I added you to my f-list.
2. I'll tell you what I most associate with you.
3. I'll tell you what I like about you.
4. I'll state a favorite memory of you.
5. I will tell you about a character or a pairing that is similar to you.
6. I'll ask you a question about you that I've always wanted to know.
7. I'll tell you which of your user pics I like the best.
8. In return, post this meme on your journal.
Stuff you won't read:
only
May. 2nd, 2008 @ 01:46 am Wanna die a little inside? Read the first two paragraphs, otherwise don't bother...
Emotional State:: depressed
In the surrounding area:: Ain't no sunshine- Bill Withers
En el ensayo, intento proponer que aunque las formas de los cuentos de Borges y los de Arlt son muy diferentes, a causa de su educación, el mensaje de sus obras es en realidad lo mismo: La literatura es algo vivo que influye en la vida ‘real’ al mismo tiempo que evoluciona con la perspectiva y las experiencias de los lectores y los autores que integran elementos de los cuentos en sus ‘propios’ obras.
Al probar esta idea, primero voy a discutir los elementos de El Juguete Rabioso que se relacionan con experiencias reales: la fascinación de Arlt con Rocambole, los elementos de su vida en sus cuentos, la conclusión de la novela en que convierte Silvio en el ‘juguete rabioso’ de la literatura en si misma (Su querer ser héroe, su decisión a ser cómo Judas Escariote de la literatura porque en este caso la Biblia puede ser ficción, etc…). Después voy a analizar varios cuentos de Ficciones que guían el lector a la conclusión sobre la literatura; una gran parte de esta argumentación incluye las influencias de Arlt en las obras de Borges, también los elementos de la niñez de Borges y el gran impacto que tuvo su padre a él, y la conversión de literatura en vida y viceversa que aparece en sus cuentos.


Ya, so my life sucks, because I have to haev 14 pages on that crap written by 6 am. And, as with the last time I had to write an essay for this evil, evil professor, my motivation to write is failing! This minimum of 3 citations of major critics, rather than putting my own analysis into the stupid essay, has drained what little interest I had in writing. And I have only myself to blame for this, because this could have been started April 10th, and it is now May 2nd and I have not even finished the first draft. This means that he'll once again get an unrefined, poorly written essay that was edited only with the automated program of Word. This also means that my Spanish grade is so up in the air that I should probably be worried. It could range from C to A-, but I'll put money on B- to B+, depending on his mood when he gives me a grade, and let's be serious he'll know what little work I put into this when he seesthe paper, so a positive review is highly unlikely. Granted, I've read a CRAPTON for this stupid paper. I mean 3 books, numerous JSTOR articles, 7 actual critical analyses in bound books, and some other crap, so there was effort.... But the writing? Notsomuch.

I want to include a bibliography w/ my works cited, just so he can know that. (yes, there's a difference between those 2 things so if u didnt know that I'll assume you got your education in a Fl public school).

Kill me now :)
Stuff you won't read:
only
Apr. 21st, 2008 @ 12:30 am Bored of Titles
Emotional State:: productive
In the surrounding area:: A perfect circle- 3 libras
I'm beginning to think that the friends who believe they know me best for the most part know me the least, especially those whose exposure is limited.

I need money, I need sleep, and I need to make it through another week of classes and all will be well, because working in the lab is awesome and then just exams are left (and who wants to study? I'd rather just do chemistry.)

Tonight I will clean and commence test preparation for Friday (because 5 minutes a day is better than nothing til friday morning, haha).

But mostly, I will clean. yes indeed.

Then I will be happy that at least down here some people understand me, not completely, but somewhat.


G'night
Stuff you won't read:
only
Apr. 12th, 2008 @ 11:00 am Bored of Titles
I keep thinking that having a dog is more important than med school....

Shouldn't that tell me something?
Stuff you won't read:
only